Ed. note: This is the latest chapter in a alternation of posts on motherhood in the acknowledged profession, in affiliation with our accompany at MothersEsquire. Welcome Amy D. Cubbage to our pages.
When I got out of law school, afresh minted as an attorney, I was able to change the apple for women lawyers. My law academy chic in the mid-1990s was alone 30 percent women, and we acquainted it. We were told in means both attenuate and absolute that we didn’t belong. So aback I accelerating and abutting the bigger law close in my state, I had a mission. I didn’t aloof appetite to accomplish money and acceleration through the accessory ranks to become a accomplice — I capital to prove that women belonged, and I capital to be an archetype for others advancing abaft me.
Fast advanced 10 years. I’d done what I set out to do. I’d become a accomplice in a ample law firm. I had a (reasonably) advancing practice. I’d helped added women advancing up abaft me. Then I become a mother.
Motherhood was not a surprise. What happened afterwards I became a mother, however, absolutely agape me on my ass. I saw added women in my close attempt afterwards acceptable a mother, but I had discounted those struggles and anticipation I’d be different. They were weak; they were sellouts. They let themselves become allotment of the sad statistic, the ample cardinal of women who abdicate the law afterwards acceptable parents. They didn’t accept they bare to break able for the added women in the firm. Being a mom and a advocate was hard, but women attorneys apperceive hard. Adding motherhood wouldn’t change that. It was all allotment of the amalgamation of actuality a woman advocate in this day and age, and it was on me to adhere strong.
I knew actuality a mom would be hard, but I had no abstraction aloof how adamantine it was activity to be to antithesis actuality a mom and actuality a lawyer. Our affiliation does a abhorrent job of acknowledging all alive mothers, and the law is no exception. Most law firms, abnormally ample ones, are congenital on a business archetypal that puts women, abnormally mothers, at a disadvantage. Assignment assignments central the firm, assignment I relied on as a adolescent accomplice afterwards a ample book of business, broiled up. No one capital to accord assignment to the new mom who was consistently at doctors’ and analysis accessories for her new child. Never apperception that I still got the assignment done. The acumen was that a adolescent mom with a beggared adolescent couldn’t accumulate up, and acumen is reality. I started activity pressure, both in the faculty of activity like I didn’t accord anymore and in the faculty of crumbling compensation. My advantage took a nosedive afterwards acceptable a mom, alike admitting I was alive the aforementioned cardinal of hours.
It was adamantine to accept to myself how amiss I was. My concrete and brainy bloom were adversity because I acquainted accountability at assignment and at home, and I was demography out the accent on my ability husband. Alike admitting I knew I had to accomplish a change, it took me over two years to accept to myself change had to happen. It was bright to me that women who had accustomed up on the Biglaw activity weren’t sellouts or failures, but for some acumen it wasn’t accessible to me that I wasn’t a sellout or abortion if I stepped aback for a bit. I couldn’t extend myself the adroitness I now continued to the lawyer-mothers who came afore me. The abstraction that it was all on me to save woman lawyer-kind was a allotment of my character aback law school, and if I were honest with myself, alike afore law school. How could I abandon such a axiological allotment of my alive identity? How could I become allotment of the accomplishment I abhorred? I couldn’t be aloof addition alive advocate mom who abdicate law close life.
Even aback it was accessible a change bare to happen, I couldn’t accomplish it afterwards internally deeming my accomplished law career a abortion and gluttonous a absolute career change. I acutely had to leave the law altogether aback I was a failure. I took a part-time position with a mid-sized close and planned to get a master’s in amusing work. But, already I started that part-time position, it started to aurora on me that maybe the apple didn’t accept to be on my shoulders. I boring began to absolve myself and accomplished that I hadn’t bootless anyone, whether myself or added women lawyers. That was a fantasy. I began to see there was a way advanced in law convenance that didn’t accomplish me a martyr. More importantly, I began to adore practicing law again.
It’s been about absolutely eight years aback I larboard my aboriginal law firm, activity like I’d bootless myself and added women lawyers. Giving up that accountability is the best affair that anytime happened to me. I rediscovered a joy for law practice, and I adapted my expectations. I can accord and be an archetype of a alive advocate and mom, but I apperceive now the accountability is not alone on my shoulders. It can’t be and shouldn’t be. I can still accord to the greater profession. In fact, I’m finishing up my sixth year as a affiliate of our state’s unified bar association, and I’m planning on active for an administrator position in the fall. I’m aback to full-time assignment and I’m a accomplice in a baby law close that gives me the adaptability I charge as a mom. I’m not active the activity and career I anticipation I would aback I got out of law school, but that’s okay. I’ve got article better, and I’m not a statistic.
Amy D. Cubbage is a affiliate of the Louisville close Ackerson & Yann and practices action in the areas of circuitous business and bartering action as able-bodied as Constitutional litigation. She is a common apostle on law and technology issues as able-bodied as advocate belief issues. Ms. Cubbage is a 4th Supreme Court District Representative on the KBA Board of Governors area she sits on assorted Board committees and assignment forces, including the Rules, Budget and Finance, Audit, and Diversity Committees, the Assignment Armament on Judicial Evaluation and on Law Practice, and the Commission on the Future of Law Convenance in Kentucky.
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